


(please) don't ever leave me

by burrsir



Series: Jason Gr(ace) [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Jason Grace, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Acephobia, Jason is just having a rough day and working through some Ace Stuff™, M/M, Percy is a good boyfriend, but like in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 14:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11534601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burrsir/pseuds/burrsir
Summary: Jason has a bad day, and begins to doubt himself. Percy, of course, is always there for him.Basically, figuring out ace things can be hard even when you're confident in your identity, and sometimes you just gotta dump your emotions out there to get through them.





	(please) don't ever leave me

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again with the projecting onto Jason
> 
> It's kind of irrelevant to the plot but in this fic they're both in their early 20s, Jason works at a bookstore in New Rome (where he helps distribute info about minor gods) and Percy works at an aquarium studying and rehabilitating sea animals.
> 
> This technically takes place in the same universe as my other ace Jason fic, but you don't have to read it to understand this one.

When Percy came home from work, he found Jason curled up in one corner of the sofa.

His knees were tucked up to his chest, a pillow clutched in his arms and his nose buried in it. His glasses were folded on the coffee table next to a half empty mug of what Percy could smell was hazelnut flavored coffee. The TV was on to some sitcom he wasn’t familiar with, but the volume was so low that he couldn’t clearly make out the words anyway. Jason wasn’t paying attention to it anyway, his gaze settled at some random spot on the floor.

“Jay?” Percy called, his voice soft. Jason had a tendency to spook easily, and lash out like a cornered animal when surprised. Side-effects of being raised by wolves, he had once told Percy. Jason’s gaze flicked to his briefly, then back down to his spot on the floor. “Babe, you okay?”

Jason mumbled something that might have been “no” and curled in further on himself.

Percy set his thermos on the table beside Jason’s mug, his bag already forgotten in the hallway. He settled onto the couch, a small distance from Jason. “What’s wrong?”

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed, and he let out a sigh. “It’s nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.”

When Jason didn’t respond, Percy continued. “Look, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but you kinda look like you need to. And I’m, y’know, here for you. If you need that.”

Percy kicked his shoes off and settled himself more into the couch, crisscrossing his legs in front of him. He wanted to reach for the remote to turn the TV volume up, but he didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere too much. He still couldn’t hear it, but entertained himself by trying to read lips and making up things when he couldn’t get anything.

He wasn’t entirely sure how much time had passed, but a new episode of whatever sitcom had started, when he heard Jason beside him, voice low. “Do you ever have, like, a completely irrational fear? Like, you know in your heart it’s nothing to worry about, but people keep saying things, and it makes you question it, and it just freaks you out to no end?” Jason pulled his face out of the pillow and turned to look at Percy.

Percy knew that look. He didn’t think Jason quite realized what he was doing, but his baby blue eyes would somehow get big and shiny, and his brows would pinch together, and even though Jason was 6’1” of almost pure muscle, he somehow looked _so small._ Percy scooted his way over and grabbed his hand, leaning over to press their shoulders together.

“What’s up, Jay?”

“It’s so stupid…”

“If it’s worrying you, it’s not.”

Jason took a breath, then let it out, his gaze falling to his and Percy’s intertwined hands. “There’s this girl who works with me down at the bookstore. I can’t even remember how, but she somehow found out that we haven’t… y’know, _done things._ I think it was when I got weirded out trying to help a customer pick out one of those weird ‘romance’ novels by that one Cupid legacy lady, I don’t know. But she keeps pestering me about it, and trying to give me _tips_ and she won’t listen when I tell her to stop.”

“Can’t you report her to your manager?”

Jason shook his head. “She’s a family friend or something.” He leaned a little bit more into Percy, letting their legs bump together. “And she just keeps making all these remarks about how _good_ I must be since my dad’s Jupiter, or how I’m lying because there’s no way I _couldn’t_ want to. And then she…” he trailed off, his face screwing into an expression Percy had trouble reading.

Percy squeezed his hand, pulling him back to reality.

“She,” Jason continued, “she said that it was the only way to have healthy relationship. That my boyfriend would eventually leave me because I wouldn’t do something I’m supposed to do.”

“Jason…” even to himself, Percy’s voice sounded broken.

“I know it’s stupid, but… it’s one of those things you think about when you’re at a low point, you know? So to hear someone else say the same thing, to confirm it…”

Percy dropped Jason’s hand and instead wrapped his arms around him. It was awkward, and Jason’s shoulder was digging into his sternum, but he nuzzled his face in the crook of Jason’s neck anyway. “You know that kind of stuff doesn’t matter to me. I love you for who you are.”

“I know,” Jason said, his voice just a bit watery. “I love you too. I think that’s part of why it scares me so much.” Percy pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Can we,” a blush crept up the back of Jason’s neck, “can we cuddle?”

Percy snorted, and couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Of course.”

Jason unwrapped himself from his little bundle and moved the pillow against the arm of the couch. He leaned back against it, stretching his legs out along the rest of the couch. Percy sidled up beside him, nestled between Jason and the back of the couch, half on his side and half on top of Jason. He wrapped his free arm around Jason’s chest, while Jason’s arms wrapped around him. When they were settled, he pressed another kiss to Jason’s jaw before resting his head on the pillow and nuzzling his forehead against the side of Jason’s head.

They were quiet for a while, Percy idly fidgeting with the seam on Jason’s tshirt. Then he felt the way Jason began to get restless; his legs shifting against Percy’s where they were tangled together, and the way his fingers rubbed against Percy’s shoulder softly.

“Still bothering you?” Percy asked.

Jason nodded.

Percy squeezed his arms around Jason’s chest briefly. “I don’t know what I can say to make you feel better, honestly. But I’m not going anywhere.”

Jason turned his head, intending to kiss Percy’s forehead but found the bridge of his nose instead. Percy laughed, and Jason’s heart flip flopped a bit. Gods, he loved that laugh. It gave him the confidence he needed to say what he did.

“It’s just that, we live in this world where everyone’s always talking about it. That it’s great, that everyone always wants it, that it’s the ultimate way of showing someone you love them, and all this other stuff. And when you don’t want that, you start to wonder why. You-- you wonder why you’re this weird one out, and how could anyone ever love you if you can’t give them the thing that is expected? And you…” 

There were tears forming in his eyes, and Percy wanted so badly to reach up and wipe them away, but Jason was on a roll and he didn’t want to distract him. 

“You wonder if you could’ve been wrong,” Jason continued, “But every time you even so much as _think_ of doing something like that you start to panic and feel so _uncomfortable_ that you’re left just, wondering how you fit into this model of what people are supposed to be.”

Percy blinked, wrapping his mind around what Jason had just told him. “I didn’t know it got that bad.”

“It’s not, all the time,” Jason said, picking at the hem of Percy’s sleeve. “But, y’know,” he shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t occupied, “sometimes it hits you really hard.”

_And I’m scared one day you’re going to think it’s weird too and leave me._

Percy shifted so that his arms were on either side of Jason and he was propped up above him, eyes locked on Jason’s. “Well, next time it hits you like that, I want you to tell me okay?” His eyes were soft, his mouth quirked up at one corner, and for a moment Jason’s heart was fluttering so fast he forgot he was upset. “I love you so much it’s ridiculous, Superman, and I want to help. Now,” he leaned down, brushing noses with Jason, “can I kiss you?”

Jason nodded, his own smile growing to match Percy’s. Then he kissed him, gently, but Jason was brushing one hand up into Percy’s hair and wrapping the other around his back, clutching the fabric of his shirt and pulling Percy down against his chest. He felt Percy smile against his lips. Jason’s focus zeroed in on that, on the way his hair was just a little greasy from sweating all day at work, on the way stiff fabric of the aquarium polo felt under his fingers, on the way Percy’s weight on his chest made him feel so secure, and on how when he breathed in to try to catch his breath, he was hit with a wave of sea breeze and saltwater tang that always followed Percy.

He broke the kiss after a few more moments, but he didn’t go far, only pulling back far enough to get a clear view of Jason’s face. “And I promise,” Percy said, “if you’re ever feeling like that again, or-- or you’re _worried,_ or something, I’ll do everything I can to prove you wrong, okay? Whether it means kissing you,” he pecked Jason on the lips, “or distracting you with a movie,” he pecked him on the cheek, “or sparring,” a peck on the other cheek, “or taking you out somewhere nice so I can show off how perfect you are,” a peck on the tip of his nose, “or giving some nasty people the patented Percy Jackson Glare,” a peck on the-- “uh, I can’t reach your forehead from here but just know I meant to do that, okay?”

Jason tried to hold back his laughter, he really did. But his head was thrown back against the pillow behind him and the anxiety was deflating with every laugh (temporary, he knew, but for now, that was enough).

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to remind everybody that asexuality is a spectrum, and everyone's experiences with it can be different! Jason's experiences are not necessarily universal, but more of just a reflection of my own. If anybody out there is struggling with something like this, just know that there are plenty of people who will love you for who you are <3
> 
> Find me on tumblr @acejasongrace!


End file.
